In Memory...

Today my Grandma Lamica died. Yesterday my friend Renee died. I was not intimately close to either, but nonetheless the loss of these ladies hurts.

I was raised over two thousand miles from my Grandma. Still I have many fond memories of her. The one that comes to mind today happened when I was very young. I was visiting New York with my parents. My mom, Grandma and me were outside of Grandma’s old brick home in Madrid. We were sitting in old red and white metal lawn chairs that bowed precariously back against our weight. I don’t know exactly how it happened, but Grandma decided to give me the porcelain kitty cat that was setting on an antique milk can between the two chairs. That cat with its chipped off tail is setting behind me right now on top of two bricks from her house.


Renee was my pastures wife. I first met her when we went to their home for dinner. We were about to start pre-marriage counseling with Keith. I can’t remember the relationship in time from my wedding until Renee was diagnosed with cancer. All I remember is crying in the parking lot of my office when I found out. My best memory of Renee was right here in our living room. She and Keith had come over for dinner and to bless the house soon after we had bought it. While we were praying she reached out and put both hands on Kay’s stomach and prayed that God would bless her womb and bring a child into our life.

The loss of Grandma is somewhat easier to stomach. She was over eighty years old and had been in failing health for quite some time. She had a good long life. Her children’s children are all grown, and some like myself have children of their own. For Renee I cannot say the same. She leaves behind three teenage children and a husband that loves her dearly. The only solace is that her passing has eased her suffering.

For me there are two reactions to death. You can count your blessing and decide to live life to the fullest chasing your dreams and sucking the very marrow out of life! Or you can rage against God and the injustice of an untimely death and the meaninglessness of our lives. Neither of these hold much draw to me today. I think I have grown past them both. Today I see death as what it is. A doorway…

Grace?

“Grace is God acting in our lives to bring about what we do not deserve and cannot accomplish on our own. But we are not passive in this process.” - Dallas Willard

I originally got that quote from my pastor Keith, but I just found it in this article.

How Does the Disciple Live?

Funny, That Doesn't Look Like Spiritual Growth...

Everyone likes to say they are spiritual, but not religious these days. So what does spiritual actually mean? I’d say to the majority of people out there, including my past self, it means a kind of blissful state experienced as we touch the core of our being. If there is a creator involved at all it’s a benevolent one that only wants to do our will and make us happy.

I absolutely believe that a state of true joy is the end result of walking with God through His son Jesus Christ. However, the whole trip isn’t a big bliss out. As I like to say about parenting it’s not all sunshine and rainbows.

To me spiritual is all the about the relationship with the triune God, and that relationship has to start with the acceptance of God as God. Not God as the buddy that gets me out of jambs. To grow spiritually you have to align your will with God’s, and that is a tough road. To want what He wants instead of simply trying to fulfill our desires.

I think I made some major progress toward this goal a few days ago. While I was at work I was chatting with Kay and she asked how I was doing. I responded that I really didn’t want to be at work in the least today, but I was working anyway.

Anyone that really knows me well can attest I have never been happy in a job ever. I’ve always been looking for the next better job, or career for that matter. This is the first job where I’m actually content. That being said I still think about quitting quite often. Doing Motel 6 accessibility remodels isn’t nearly as glamorous as it sounds.

To say I was working anyway, and being quite productive actually, was a major step for me. I’ve always felt that God wanted me at this job. I took it even though I was concerned about working for friends because God told me to. I went through two breakdowns and stayed because I felt I hadn’t learned whatever it was I was supposed to learn. To finally be content about a job and my life as a whole is major for me.

God wants me right where I am.

And I’m happy being here.