Back in the Blogosphere

Four months without an entry. I was going to write a blog a week! As time slipped by it became every two weeks. Now it’s been months. How does this happen? Why am I like this? There is something fundamental about my nature in this. There is something to be learned about being Bill here. I see two things that contribute to this. How I operate in time and my lack of intention.

In America we think of time in one way. Marching forward at a predictable beat. Sixty seconds become one minute. Sixty minutes becomes an hour and so on. This leads to a bureaucratic or as my counselor said plodding concept of time. To complete a task you do a little each day until it is done. Ever moving forward. For years I have tried to make myself into a plodder. One thing I am sure of in life is I am not a plodder. I do not operate in linear time.

The other two types of time are cyclical and pulse time. People that are cyclical by nature have pronounced patterns of high and low energy/productivity. Pulse people on the other hand have completely random bursts of productivity. For a while I thought I was pulse, but as I watch myself I think I am cyclical. On a daily basis I work much better in the morning. So now I try to leave labor-intensive tasks until evening, and thinking tasks to morning. I just think better first thing. Lately though I’ve found I am just bursting with energy. I think I may also be on a broader cycle tied to the seasons. I love spring. I particularly like my birthday month March. I’m going to watch myself this year and see if I hit a low spot productivity speaking towards fall and winter. I bet I do.

When I say lack of intention I’m referring to something I’m studying in Willard’s Renovation of the Heart. He explains that the pattern for change in human beings, either spiritual or not, follows the same pattern. Vision, intention, and means. Vision being a goal you have clearly in mind, intention being that you actually truly decide to move toward that goal, and means being ways you use to move toward that goal.

I’ve got more vision than I know what to do with. I have grand ideas for all kinds of things. Ideas for stories, ideas for houses, ideas for cool coffee shops, ideas for a cycling tour company. What have on done with these ideas? Nothing. I mean come on I’m not even a licensed Architect. I am adrift on a sea of everyday needs and emotional whims. Lost in the tide of the great ocean of dreams. I would row for shore but I don’t know which way it is.

This is the part where I say I’m going to change. I’m going to intend to do this or that! The truth is I’m probably not going to change. I hope I do. I pray to God that I fulfill the purpose He put me here for. It takes more than hope and my little will to make this kind of change though. I don’t think I can do it without God. That’s probably the point though. My pastor/friend Keith told me once that people are always asking him what God wants them to do with their lives. Keith’s answer was get wrapped up in the Lord. Have a relationship with the Father through His Son. That’s what God wants from us. He wants an Abba relationship (that’s not the band Steve if you’re reading this). Maybe that’s what I should intend to do.