I
can tell you step by step the decisions I made and the events in my
life that lead me to where I am today. Incongruently it is beyond me
how I became a thirty-eight year old parent of
two. I just don't feel like an adult or a parent. Sure I've figured a
few things out, but for the most part I feel like the same old goof
stumbling through life. I went to college because that's what “smart”
people did. I majored in architecture because my best friend in
college walked me through his class and it looked like fun. I married
a girl because I liked her and had kids because I like kids and
always wanted them.
Something
changed the other night.
It
was approximately 3:30 AM. The whole family was at Dell Children's
Hospital. We had not been able to control Grayson's asthma and took
him to the hospital around 11:00 PM. The doctor prescribed hour long
albuterol treatments but they were not getting his asthma under
control either. They wanted Grayson to check in to the the hospital
at least for one night. According to the nurse only one of us could
stay with him. I thought about fighting that but I really didn't want
Mackenzie to spend the night in the hospital if she didn't need to.
The
easy thing would have been for me to take Mackenzie home and leave
Kay to deal with Grayson. It wasn't the right thing though. Grayson
is a whirlwind of chaos. Kay can handle him, but in a hospital
setting I knew it would be difficult. I was the obvious choice. I so
wanted to go home and sleep though. I do not do well with lack of
sleep and it's getting worse as I approach forty. Kay knows I was the
right choice, but she's a good strong woman and was asking me if I
was sure. She knew I was tired.
In
that moment of choice something deep inside me clicked. I was going
to stay at that hospital and take care of my son. Me. Not anyone
else. No one was going to take this burden from me. It was mine to
carry and I was happy to do it.
I
don't have it all figured out. I'm still just a goof trying to keep
my head above water, but I am a parent.
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